Living in the Two Hearts

My Spiritual Insights and Musings

Posts Tagged ‘Mother’

The Conclusion…well, part of it anyway…

Posted by Anne Elizabeth on August 3, 2009

A brief recap: Christmas Day dinner waSpenceiciously laced with the false sugar product that produced a serious effects from dizziness, to shortness of breath, a racing heart, and finally blackout moments.  After waking up the next morning completely healed I was warned to get out of the house and return home as quickly as possible.

Both parents seemed surprised that I was alive and walking, one more than the other, and that parent decided at the last minute to join the return trip just for the drive.  Well, THIS decision turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me…

The Three Miracles

The trip from the moment parent’s town stops and the highway begins is marked by a famous brewery that often brings in lots of business with their tours.  The moment of entry back into Cheyenne occurs at another well known location of a buffalo ranch that is marked by a large cut-out of a buffalo that stands on top of a tall hill.  Between these two points, at 75mph, it takes 45minutes exactly.  The parent doing the driving always sets their cruise control to maintain that speed and thus taking a total of 45 minutes to drive.

Now, I had said above (in the recap) that my other parent’s decision to drive with us was a blessing in disguise, BECAUSE I was able to sit comfortably in the back seat where it is difficult to hear or respond to conversations happening in the front seat (unless of course you have a luxury car, which my parents do not).  So that entire trip I only had to respond two or three times to questions or comments made.

Back to the first miracle… The 45 minute trip took only 15 minutes!  I looked at my phone when we left the city outskirts (located next to the famous brewery) and noted the time.  I also noted the speed with which my parent had set.  Only in retrospect do I understand why my angels had insisted that I take special note of these details.  If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have appreciated the shortness of the trip and all that followed…

Second Miracle

When the car pulled up in front of my apartment I got out with my small bag and dress.  I didn’t have a lot of luggage or extra bags, so there was no reason for either of my parents to get out of the car, but they did.  Not only did they get out of the car but they followed me closely to my front door, into the house, and even to my bedroom at the back of my apartment.  I hadn’t realized they were that close until I had set my things down on my bed and turned around.

The moment I turned around and realized they were literally blocking the doorway I saw something come across their faces.  Their eyes became very wide and their faces became pale as they began to back up slowly.  I also noticed myself moving forward at the same speed but now with a distinct distance between them and myself.  I truly believe one of my more imposing angels had made himself visible.  Truly, they had a look of TOTAL FEAR on their faces as they continued to back out, all the way out the front door.

My angel had me close the door and lock it.  I then heard him say, don’t move, don’t even make a sound.  Stay where you are until I tell you to move. I was already perplexed and concerned with the warnings from this morning, then that very fast drive from point A to point B was still fresh in my mind; giving me every cause not question him now.  So I stayed put AND quite.

My parents seem to remain on that front porch for a good ten minutes.  I could not make out what they were saying to one another, but neither did I move so I could hear them better.  Then, the screen door closed and I could hear retreating footsteps going down the front steps.  I was about to move when my angel said again and louder with great urgency, DO NOT MOVE. Feeling foolish I froze and just tried to wait…

I heard my parents get into their car and start the engine…I DID NOT MOVE…I heard the car pull away and drive off…I DID NOT MOVE… I heard the car quietly return and idle for a time… I DID NOT MOVE.  Finally, their car drove off (for the second time), and my angel said urgently, Okay!  Go NOW! Run to your Father! Which meant, go to the Adoration Chapel located just up the road from me.

I booked-it out of my apartment, remembering to press the button to lock the front door, and ran up the block and a half  the Perpetual (24/7) Adoration Chapel…the same one I had spent much of my time in already that year (see previous writing).  When I arrived, I noticed the two Adorers stationed to sit with our Lord were comfortably in the outside chairs and reading.  This left the front kneelers available of which I took one.

Miracle Number 3… humility forbids me to publish it as part of the Post.  You’ll have to ask me directly for what happened.  Sufficiently to say, all that had occurred in the last two days was revealed to me with a direction concerning my parents and their care over me…

In the months that followed I did not hear from my parent, but I did hear from surrounding family members that seemed to be grasping at straws to see what I would do next.  I never had the desire to punish my parents for their actions, and I still DO NOT desire to even today.  God is the only one justified in punishment for evil.  I’m alive and doing very well.  No retribution do I seek.

What I do seek is their healing which can only happen when they “own-up” to what they did. So much anger, guilt, and resentment has resulted from their actions that any time I see a picture or hear their voices (very rare), they appear OLD and TIRED, as if some massive struggle from within has weakened their physical selves.  They are members of the Catholic Church , despite their cafeteria-way of practicing their faith.  They do have access to the Sacrament of Reconciliation which will begin their journey of healing!

All they have to do is ACCEPT the FREE GIFT of being Reconciled and EMBRACE the Love of God!  I have prayed and offered up petitions at healing Masses for so many years, so the graces ARE AVAILABLE and waiting!  All my family has to do is decrease within themselves so that the Lord may increase and begin to heal them from within utilizing these obtained graces.  I pray and will continue to pray that they will choose and accept healing.

Folks, this site is loaded with the reasoning behind the need for Reconciliation and Redemption.  Utilize what the Holy Spirit has provided us, read, study, learn, and LIVE what He teaches us in these writings.  Come before God, humble and meek, desiring only His goodness all the days of your lives.  God IS Love and Mercy; but He is also a Just Judge:

“…Souls that make and appeal to My Mercy delight Me.  To such souls I grant even more graces then they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy… before I come as a Just Judge, I first open wide the door of My MercyHe who refuses to pass through the door of My Mercy must pass through the door of My Justice.” ~Diary St Faustina§1146

Previous Posts:

Healing Begins
Part 3 Continues…
Importance of Reconciliation
In Between Things

Nitty-Gritty
We Continue…

Recommended Reading:

Weeds Among Wheat
The Great Purification
Accept the Crown

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Part IIIc…The Healing Begins!

Posted by Anne Elizabeth on June 30, 2009

Before I even type one word concerning obvious signs, I wish to relate a true story that requires your careful attention and respect.  Without this as a background, what you will read will seem cold and harsh instead of wounded and hurt.  For its truth I can personally testify the validity of the claim.

True Story

Picture, if you will, a small child whose current living situation consists of their parents, an older sibling, and an abusive grandmother.  The grandmother had a rather tragic life, what with her first husband committing suicide by hanging himself from the rafters.  Her two sons were the ones to find him. Interestingly, neither of them remembers the other being there.  Needless to say, all were profoundly affected and the mother dealt with her loss by turning to alcohol.  As a result, she became very abusive – both verbally and physically.  Her children undoubtedly bore the brunt of the abuse (2 sons and 2 daughters).

Her children eventually married, and one – the father of the two children mentioned above – decided to take his mother in to live with him and his family as she was not doing well by herself.  The kindness did not change the mother’s behaviors or habits, and her abuse then extended to his wife.

You know the old children’s rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words would never hurt me!” Who thought up that abominable LIE?!  Verbal abuse is actually WORSE than physical abuse because you cannot see the wounds left behind – the very DEEP WOUNDS left behind.  And since the abused have no idea they have been deeply wounded, the do not seek medical help to heal those wounds… but I digress.

Soon those abusive behaviors became part of the daughter-in-law’s behaviors, and her victims became her own children.  Her husband was already a victim of his mother’s attacks, and thus did not see the need to intervene.  After all, the abused rarely recognize abuse of others since, for them, it’s just normal behavior.  So the wife’s frustration level increased to the point of over-flowing and flowed-out of herself to her children. The most unfortunate part, one of her children was still very impressionable, and so they learned the WRONG behaviors as RIGHT behaviors or normal behaviors.

The child learned criticism instead of compliment, inadequacy instead of encouragement, they learned manipulation instead of compassion, they learned to give intimately in order to control and maintain instead of whole-hearted self-giving that allows for growth.  Thus the damage was complete and extensive setting forever into their conscious.  They received what I have come to understand as a mal-formed conscience– believing what is wrong is right and what is right is wrong – instead of receiving a conscience– that is seeing RIGHT and thinking it is WRONG and that WRONG is RIGHT.

This child’s malformed conscience began to express itself in school as the child only criticized and manipulated their fellow classmates, thus effectively alienating them from life-long friendships.  Temporary friendships were all they could maintain, excepting the one or two that followed who allowed the control and the manipulation as just part of the friendship.

Even after the mother-in-law moved away from the family, the damage she had caused remained and grew steadily worse.  Soon the two parents barely spoke to one another unless called for.  By the time the children were grown and left home, the father was spending much of his time in his hobby-shop or outside of the house while the mom went back to school, earned a degree and became a teacher.  The children grew too.  One married someone the family didn’t approve of and there has been strife in that matter ever since.  The other child married someone the family saw as easy to control and manipulate, even though there were many years between them, the family approved and the two were married with the family’s blessing.  They eventually had three children, and I am the first of the three.

To say that manipulation was from the beginning is no small matter.  Pre-marital relations existed, as did with many couples who used contraception in my parent’s day– and still is true today.  Parents who practice contraception often teach their children to “mind your P’s and Q’s”, which is code for “protect yourself with contraception” and is often the practice of the child/adult even after they are married. This particular child was also taught to seek a career before you have any kids – because once the kids come, bye bye career!  Thus presenting the other reason why contraception was taught and practiced.

Well, it was due to faulty contraception that conceived the first child, me.  Therefore, the above statement came true. But truly that was only a grain of salt added to the package that would eventually break the camel’s back – or would provide the final breaking-point.  Here is what really began the downward spiral towards hatred.

When the child was born (me), I became the first of two granddaughters – the other grandchild was born from the woman that the family didn’t approve of.  So, when I came into the world, the Grandparents were overjoyed and doted on me, giving me all the attention they could.  When I began my forming years, age 1 to 2 yrs – my Grandmother, the teacher, took it upon herself to teach me how to read.  I was reading just before the age of 2 yrs. Compliment after compliment, encouraging word after encouraging word… and this from the parent who never gave their own child even one word of encouragement or even one syllable of a compliment. What transformation had taken place?  Would it extend to their own children, and in particular to my parent?  No.  I’m sorry to say it did not, and still has not to this day.

So, if you were this parent, a person who excelled in everything you did, just to win one kind word from your mother and/or father, only never EVER to receive one… and you were raised with the notion that a spouse was something you MUST get no matter what the cost, a career is more desirable then children – so watch your p’s and q’s and use that contraception wisely… how would you feel – towards yourself and towards your child?  Be honest.  Would you take the situation lightly?  Would you shrug your shoulders and say, “Oh well! That’s life.” Or would you react as any wounded and hurt human being would react?  Wounded, hurt, and maybe a little bit… angry?

In order to heal a wound, it is necessary to understand the root cause of that wound, so that the correct medicine can be applied, yes?  In the case of an emotional wound, understanding, then, can lead self awareness which can lead to the desiring of forgiveness; forgiveness not just towards another person, but also towards oneself.  It’s a BOTH/AND situation: GOOD THEOLOGY. 😉  And THAT is the stated goal of this final Posting in this series, HEALING.

To be continued…

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