Living in the Two Hearts

My Spiritual Insights and Musings

Part 3b: What is the Lord Thinking?!

Part III b:  What was the Lord thinking?!

God wanted to demonstrate to me that I could indeed TRUST Him in ALL THINGS.  Being hard-headed and consistently stubborn, the Lord who knows me best knew He had to do something with me that was rather dramatic in order for me to fully understand and believe. Drama has always been a part of my life until recently – 2017, the year I finally learned how to yield to the Spirit of God… but I, again, digress…

So, the Lord took over the responsibility of lesson planning. No kidding!  Right down to the smallest detail, God planned out each lesson, each accommodation, each extra avenue of learning.  All I had to do was listen and write, and listen and write I did!  The lessons were exciting and fun, but required discipline and attention to detail, skills I didn’t even know I had. =-)

I still commuted from Ft. Collins for about one month when, finally, He moved me within walking distance to the school.  I was placed in a two bedroom duplex with washer and dryer, big kitchen and living room, a nice master bedroom with full closet, and the second room was perfect size for an office.  I was thrilled, especially with the prospect of being able to walk not just to school but also to church.  Not having to buy a lot of gas was desirable, as I still went twice a week for counseling up in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

With the school year in full swing, a new place to live, fantastic parents (a long cry from the first group), and amazing kids that kept me on my toes with their questions both of faith and academics, my time was challenging AND satisfying.  This group was also an amazingly prayerful!  We prayed the Rosary frequently.  They also desired Eucharistic Adoration time – when it was made available – and when Lent came, they actually wanted to do a Fast for the salvation of souls – which just happened to fall during a time of the district’s general skills testing. They tested AND fasted at the same time!  It was incredible!!!  What it also did was it sent a “loud but silent” message to the whole school, because when our class didn’t show up for lunch the kids saw that sacrifice and fasting was for everyone, not just adults!

Their example so encouraged me to be all that I could be.  My faith grew in leaps and bounds because of their desire to be faithful and holy, practicing piety and works of mercy whenever possible.  They even made rosaries for all the kids in the school who wanted to learn how to pray the Rosary. These Rosaries even made it into the hands of shut-ins who received their daily meals on wheels.  Truly AMAZING kids!!!


Doesn’t it feel wonderful when you’re using all the talents that God has given you?  As the Fall turned to Winter, I found myself energized and healing. I was not stressed or overwhelmed, as I feared I would be.  Nope.  God was handling all the details.  I just had to continue to “Let Go! and Let God be God.”  For a lot of us, I think we could say, “Easier said than done.”  But when it’s done, watch out (Isaiah 55:6-9)!

December 2004, I finished with counseling, the Tsunami hit East Asia, my kids and I had begun our weather unit discovering definite changes in weather protocol.  At the same time, I began to hear my Mother’s voice – the Queen of Heaven, that is.  She said very clearly and sweetly, “I’m sending you to Medjugorjie.”  I replied (out-loud) “What?”  At that precise moment our IT guy poked his head around the corner and said, “Did you know that Fr. T was organizing a group to Medjugorjie?  You should look into it.”  Yes, my mind reeled at the event and the timing involved.  A definite heavenly peace overflowed me, and I found myself smiling all day long.  And yes, I received many a question for that smile.  🙂

Later that day I e-mailed Fr. T and asked him when he was planning the trip, to which I received a response of either spring break or June.  I knew spring break wouldn’t work because I was a volunteer coordinator for a singles conference at that appointed time.  So, if Mother Mary had indeed intended me to attend this trip, it would have to be in June.

About a week later, Fr. T e-mailed me back and said the trip was scheduled for the 6th of June to the 16th.

Okay Mother, I’ll go!  But I’m going to need the money for the ticket and whatnot.

Again her sweet voice was head, “Do not worry.  I will provide you with all that you need.”


During the next two months I began to tithe, believing that all the needed money would come from that.  Although the tithing did bring in the first half, as I was finally setting aside more for God (something I should have done long before this time), it was not going to be enough to send me to Medjugorjie, and actually Mother Mary had other resources in mind.

A gift of $5000 was given to me and to my other siblings and cousins as a means of… ?  Not quite sure of the motives of the givers, but I can tell you that the gift was very out of the ordinary and had no strings attached.  It was more than enough to make the final purchase of my plane ticket and residential expenses, as well as cover an outside food purchases.

The group that Fr. T had booked us with were actually connected with the visionaries, so we stayed at Yakov’s house, which was really nice and served three meals a day.  Mind you, on Wednesdays, the food was meatless, and Yakov and his family did not eat – holding to the request of the extra fast made by the Queen of Heaven… permit me to take the reader on a small back story…

Back to story…

In February, 2005, I worked on a singles conference as a volunteer coordinator and made some new friends.  One of which, a young woman seeking to enter religious life or establish an order; it was this friendship that began a series of events that eventually moved me to… Cheyenne, Wyoming.  Funny how it took a year to move to a place I wanted to live from the moment I had returned from community.  She was in private council with the local bishop, who wanted religious in his diocese, but also wanted, very slowly and carefully, to look at the possibility of beginning a religious community.

In my stubborn nature, and wanting to return to some kind of community living – convinced that was my vocational calling – I became involved with her process as a prospective Foundress.  Mind you, a lot of pretty amazing things occurred that really had both of us convinced this is what God had intended.  Well, as it turned out, the only thing He really had intended was for me to move up to Cheyenne.  But again, whenever God wants me to move in a completely different direction, He knows He has to allow some pretty fantastic things to happen so that I’ll open my eyes to what He is desiring me to do!

So, brief time-line: Left community February, 2004; began counseling in March; received teacher’s position in June; began teaching in August; moved to Loveland, CO in September; finished counseling sessions in December; Mother Mary informs me I’m going to Medjugorjie in January, 2005; tithing begins in February, also coordinate volunteers for a singles conference; in March I made the first payment for Medjugorjie…

Back To Main Story…

In April, I found out my teaching contract would not be renewed (this was a HUGE blessing as I was waning on the idea of moving to Cheyenne and needed some confirmation… This was the confirmation!); in May my duplex was sold and I had 30 days to vacate with a healthy bonus from the owners to assist me in my move…I moved into a storage unit in Cheyenne at the end of May and then commuted for the last days of school from Ft. Collins.  In June, 2005, I said ‘goodbye’ to my students and their parents and traveled to Medjugorjie on the 6th to return on the 16th, where I then made the final transition up to Cheyenne at the end of June to begin, in earnest, to raise funds along side my new friend for a youth group going to…  got to take a breath here …

Rome and then Germany for WYD 2005… bet ya thought it was for a religious community, didn’t ya?

Yes, I was going with them.  She and I were about the same age – over 30yrs – so we were considered chaperons.  However, we had raised so much money, our chaperon duties were removed and we were allowed to go just as participants.  Good thing, too!  We got very sick along the way… more on that later… for once again, I digress…

The Cheyenne move began in a guest room but quickly moved to a basement apartment as my teacher’s contract was a 12mon pay-period and I received my salary until September of that year.  At the same time I applied and later interviewed for another teacher’s position at their local Catholic school.  But I did not receive this job because I would not return from Germany in time.

So instead I applied and was accepted to substitute in the Public School System.

You may ask, Why ? Didn’t God originally have you “kicked out” of the public system to teach in the Catholic system?

Yes… now that you mention it, He did do just that.  So why would He then put me back into the public system?  Better pay, less hours needed, God had time to work with One-on-One with His “growing in holiness” daughter, and her house that He began to construct way back in 20001, started receiving solid walls and beautiful ceilings. Yet, it wasn’t looking like a house, more like… a mansion?

Because the public system paid their subs $100 for each day subbed, you could work just 5 days and make $500 dollars.  I only needed $330 dollars to make rent and utilities – for shortly after we returned from abroad, my friend and I moved to a better location that was only a block and a half away from a Perpetual Adoration chapel in one of three parishes located in Cheyenne.

So that’s what God did.  He had me work only 5 days a month so that He could spend some quality time with me in the Mass and in Adoration, healing in me that wound He promised to heal.  Yes, I spent a lot of time in the Adoration chapel.  I became quite intimate with God in our conversations.  A lot was healed; but there was still a lot more to come, and especially things that I should have seen coming. I mean, the signs were all there… I just couldn’t believe that what I saw was actually what I saw

The healing begins…


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