Living in the Two Hearts

My Spiritual Insights and Musings

Re-Cap…before the “nitty-gritty”…

Posted by Anne Elizabeth on July 18, 2009

A Brief recap: My parent was brought up with a malformed conscious – what’s wrong is right and what’s right is wrong.  They married, received three kids by faulty contraception – one that was chemically damaged as well as impaired by sight difficulties; and had a parent of their own who never complimented, encouraged, or credited them for anything.  But that parent did credit their granddaughter (me), complimented and encouraged (me), and gave all the love that was missing from the previous relationship.  The resentment of my parent was set-in deep.

Now, in the last publication of My Personal Story, part 3b: What Is the Lord Thinking? I alluded to the fact that I should have seen this bitter jealousy, this pain of being ignored by their own mother.  I should have recognized the anger and resentment that they had towards me.  I should have been particularly aware of this considering that just months previous to my move to Cheyenne, Wyoming, some of my possessions had been significantly damaged and/or neglected.  Simple things like…

I have this royal-blue, fluffy towel that I really like.  I take especially good care of it.  When I left for community back in 2003, I left the towel behind, believing it would also be well taken care of.  After all, all the other nice towels in the bathroom were well taken care of.  When I returned that following February 2004, the towel was in the rag basket, faded and starting to fray.  I rescued it immediately, and if was at all possible, nursed it back to health.  I still have that towel with me today – it’s still royal blue and plush.

When I left for Medjugorje in June 2005, I left three plants with my parent that I had received from my students (I had just finished teaching 4th grade).  I figured the plants would be well taken care of since my parent maintains a plethora of plants, even some that they have brought back from the dead. When I returned just two weeks later, one plant had died (or had been neglected to death) while the other two were fighting to survive.  Now, I’m NOT a green-thumb, I didn’t inherent those genes, so one of the plants gave up and died.  But the Christmas Cactus fought hard and won!  I still have that plant with me today and, I’m happy to report, in spite of my lack of green-thumb-ness it’s thriving and looking beautiful!

Now, I know it may not seem like much, after all, they were just plants and just a towel, but with one significant connection: THEY WERE MINE.  Ever notice how an object can remind you of someone?  Sure you can!  Why do people keep old watches (working or broken) that belonged to a beloved parent or grandparent?  Because it reminds them of that person.  Why do people keep old cards and letters?  Because the words written within or the name signed within came from someone they loved, and it helps them to remember those people.  Same goes for the other direction.  Why do people who experience the great tragedy of divorce go to such great lengths to destroy and rid themselves of their former spouse’s things? Because they remind them of that spouse.

My parent destroyed or tried to destroy these objects because they reminded them of me.  When this realization hit me, I better understood the actions that followed beginning around Thanksgiving 2005, and concluding Christmas Day 2005. Mind you, this realization only occurred in the retrospective.  It’s like they say, hind-sight is 20-20.

The precipitating events began with those small items, found root based on a conversation my parent and I had about a certain severe allergy that I have to a false sugar product, which escalated into the unthinkable.  But please remember, my parent see what’s wrong is right, and their pain IS deep and VERY real; and although I do not condone their actions in ANY WAY, shape or form, I DO (freely and fully) FORGIVE BOTH my parents for what happened next…

To be continued…

Recommended Reading: The Thirteenth Man

Previous Posts:

Healing Begins
Part 3 Continues…
Importance of Reconciliation


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