Living in the Two Hearts

My Spiritual Insights and Musings

Biding my time and loving life!

Posted by Anne Elizabeth on September 3, 2008

I gave my notice to my renters last Friday, spoke with Aaron for a couple of hours that Friday and Saturday, and waited and watched as Hurricane Gustav made its way inland to Louisiana.

Ever experience a “Jonah Moment“?  Well I sure did!  Remember how last week I had a couple days of incapacity with my lower back being compounded by the dramatic change in air pressure?  Well, it was a bit more than that.  I actually was allowing God to use my suffering for salvation to those who would call out to God’s mercy as Gustav made its way towards New Orleans.

I had visited New Orleans with a group from Church who went down in 2006, to help clean-up the mess made by Katrina.  We specifically helped a religious order clean out an abandon school and reorganize text books and supplies so that they would be ready to open that following fall.

Well, on our days off, we visited the French Quarter.  It was pretty cool to see all that history, but one thing I was most turned off by was the heavy presence of the occult.  I can’t tell you how many tarot card readers, fortune tellers, possessed people, and outright affronts to God I witnessed while I was there.

One night we ate at a well known sea food restaurant – where the food was really good and the entertainment par excellance, but across the street was a satanic bar.  I knew it was satanic because on the side of the building they had a good representation of a demon scaling the wall carrying a severed human head.   Inside, there hung something like a gigantic black widow spider from the ceiling with the worst possible metal music blaring out of the very open doorway.  What I saw inside, I will not take precious space to describe (beyond the hanging spider).  Sufficed to say, I began praying immediately!

After that, I saw more and more of the concentrated evil of the area.  On the last day of our time there, the group wanted to again explore the quarter.  I politely excused myself from the group, and with a book and water bottle, and lunch in hand, I placed myself in the only area I felt somewhat safe: a park across from their cathedral (which was a joke in itself – I’m sorry to say), that sat right at the beginning of the quarter.

God sent me a misguided soul whose life seemed a bit unsure after Katrina, but whose presence kept away others whose intentions certainly were anything but pure.  There I remained for 4 hours until the group returned from their wanderings, and we all walked back to the car, and headed to the airport.

Anywhoo, I was really hoping that Gustav would be something akin to a divine justice and take out that French Quarter.  Thank heavens I’m not God, and again, His Ways ARE NOT my ways!  Instead, He did exactly what He had promised as a result of my offering my suffering – gave His Divine Mercy to those in residence who had refused to leave.  I read the number was 10,000.  Now, a pure heart would have rejoiced in that they were given a second chance.  I think it safe to say I have a ways to go before my heart is purified…

I did not rejoice!  I ranted and raved, “God, how could you permit those who stayed to thumb their noses at You and say ‘Hah!  We told You we would not leave!’ (As if this actually was said…my imagination is active).”  My close friend Carol was the lucky recipient of these rantings.  It was in her kindness that she took the time to remind me that God’s mercy had indeed been given.  At that point, I realized my sin (not mistake!), and knew that I had to make confession on Tuesday (this ranting happened on Monday).

Truly I have little or no compassion for those who are caught in the throngs of sin.  Something that God has begun to work on immediately in me, especially now that I recognize it and am allowing Him to work on it.  A good reminder to us all: God will not work on our faults until we ask and give Him permission to do so.  He respects our Free Will better than we respect ourselves!  Remember the passage in Romans 1:21-32. God does not force His children to do anything.  He only LOVES and encourages us to LOVE.

He encourages us to see ourselves as He sees us.  Thus encouraging us to change and grow in the areas where we are the weakest.  God’s Ways are NOT our ways.

So yesterday, Tuesday, I made a confession about my selfishness and lack of charity towards those in the hurricane’s path who had stayed behind.  My confessor has been my confessor for the last two years, and so he’s familiar with my spirituality.  His words of kindness and reminders to the need for charity (cf 1Cor 13:1-3) re-echoed what God had said through my friend Carol just the day before.  Good confirmation!

So I made a sincere act of contrition, and Christ, through the ministry of the priest, absolved my sins and a true and pure joy immediately began to fill my heart!  I think all present in the sacristy at this time would attest to that.  I was solemn and rushed when I entered the sacristy after Mass – but Joyful and giddy after I made a good confession.  Truly my heart had been lightened and the burden of sin lifted from my soul.

Which is a great lead in to the next posting which will be on the topic of confession.  Just so you know, I find it beyond helpful to confess my sins about once every two weeks, as the releasing of my sinful tendencies allows God to begin healing me from my bad habits and thus fill me with His Grace.  That filling of grace can only occur when I empty myself of SIN and make room for the grace!  A very important TRUTH to keep in mind.

Now I can continue with preparations for moving, though I must say, I’m not really doing anything about it until it comes closer to the last two weeks.

So actually, I’m enjoying getting up after 7am, reading some good books I haven’t read in a while, and selling off a bunch of books and DVDs on my marketplace listing.  I’ve got a lot of video tapes that have since been replaced with DVDs.  If you’re interested in a list and would like to have them, feel free to send me a little e-mail and I’ll sell ’em to ya really cheap!  Otherwise they’ll probably end up at Good Will. 🙂

God is also fulfilling my desire of experiencing as much of my church, St Pete’s, as possible.  I’m reading and leading the Rosary for the next two weeks whilst my reading partner is out-of-town with his wife visiting their newest granddaughter. 🙂  God does have a WONDERFUL SENSE OF HUMOR !

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you have a very Blessed Day!  Be watching for the next posting which will start that promised series on Confession (Sacrament of Reconciliation).

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One Response to “Biding my time and loving life!”

  1. Joyce Moody said

    Whenever I feel vengeful, I remember that God loves us all, infinitely and equally. He can work through those who love Him and those who claim not to know Him.

    When Christ was on earth, he called us to be agents of God’s love, not dispensers of God’s justice. And when we act with God’s love and compassion, we often find that God’s justice results–although sometimes it can take a little while. Does God hear the prayers of the just and the unjust? He does.

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