Living in the Two Hearts

My Spiritual Insights and Musings

Profound changes…?

Posted by Anne Elizabeth on June 12, 2008

Today was a day when my small world tried to come crashing in around me!

A good friend of mine is getting married this weekend and I’m flying in for the occasion.  The plane ticket alone was a lot of money…thanks to high gas prices, I’m sure.  And then mother nature intervened by causing excessive flooding in Iowa making it impossible for anyone to pick me up at the airport – they are all on emergency duty.  This left me with the expense of a car rental on top of the plane ticket.

I have the hotel cost, which isn’t really too much considering the full price I would have to pay if I were not sharing with three others.  But added to that cost is the cost for Friday’s dinner, Saturday’s breakfast and lunch, and Sunday’s breakfast and later lunch.  Then there is the cost for the gas in the rental car plus any money I would need for the airports I will be traveling through – there are four of them.

Currently, my position is still graduate student, even though I have completed the required course work for my degree.  This leaves me studying for my final comprehensive exams that are to take place in August.  And yes, I was in my last class in May, which is why the posts were so few and far between… I apologize and will try to do better. 🙂

But because of all this, God has decided it best that I not be overburdened with a summer job… which here in Steubenville means summer conferences.  Believe me, that is a lot of work no matter what your position!  This means, the money I had received for summer school IS IT.  When its gone, there’s nothing to take its place.  Hmmm….

As this was forefront in my mind upon heading down the stairs to pray the Rosary at my local parish community, God took the opportunity to remind me of something very important: His ways are not my ways.  I cannot see with the eyes of heaven, only with the eyes of man. Then a profound connection emerged as we prayed.  Did not the Apostles also go through something very similar and asking,  “God, what are you doing?

Turn to Matthew, chapter 16, verses 13 on:  Jesus is asking His Apostles, “Who do people say that I am? ”  Each in turn give an answer.  Then Peter makes the proclamation, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God. ”  A little bit later, Jesus tells them that He will be handed over to the Gentiles and put to death.  Peter cannot believe that someone (espcially not the Son of the living God) as Holy, Righteous, and deserving of all praise would have to suffer such a terrible death – for all knew how the Gentiles (Romans) put people to death. So Peter rebukes Jesus, “God forbid, Lord!  This should never happen to you!”  Peter was seeing with the eyes of men. He didn’t understand that Jesus came specifically to be the sacrificial lamb offered in atonement for our sins.  Had Peter had the eyes of God, he would have recognized the significance of Jesus’ reply, “Get behind me Satan!  You are a hindrance to me.”

Though I do not understand why all these expenses are suddenly present, and why God has not allowed me to work any this summer (I do have more time for studies and blog maintenance), thus money is going out and not coming in… though I do not understand, I TRUST in Him that He has a plan and that He will not abandon me.  I cannot see with anything but the eyes of man, yet I join them to the eyes of faith. God IS faithful.  His timing is PERFECT, and I have to believe with my program wrapping up, God had something even better for me in motion.  I just have to BELIEVE!

By the way, today’s reflection in the Word Among Us reflected exactly what I’ve just said, thus giving me ample support that my thoughts were right on track– A Church Father technique – and I highly recommend it for those also experiencing similar “What are you doing, God?


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